Recently, an acquaintance of mine learned about the weight I've lost so far and began to tell me how she had gained 15-20 lbs over the past few months and was very unhappy with her weight. I told her I've been on the Weight Watchers plan and that the biggest change, thus far, was cutting out drinking soda. The next day she came to me and said she was so depressed and hated herself and wanted to start Weight Watchers too. I thought that was great...except for the part were she was so down on herself. It was so sad to witness someone saying such derogatory things about themselves. First of all, the woman is very pretty with a very outgoing personality, a teen aged son who she's apparently close with, a boyfriend, a job she says she loves...and on the surface "seems" to have it all. It was so sad to know that inside she was so unhappy with herself and based solely on her weight had a serious amount of disrespect for herself. I tried to encourage her by telling her that that would not be the attitude that would take her out of this. She said that it was just what it took to get her to do something about it. My response to that was to ask her...."But then, if you gain a couple of pounds along the way...what will you do? How will you feel about yourself then?" I told her I've done WW a thousand times. But that THIS TIME is different because I KNOW I can take it all the way. I realized while I was talking to her...that the attitude I have about my weight and my weight loss journey is going to be the thing that sustains me. It really is a different time in my life. This is the time that I have all I need to accomplish this 100 lb loss. I just have to hang on the the confidence that is in me to finish this. How awful it must have been for people around me who care about me to hear those same types of remarks come from my mouth. I will need to make sure I don't voice those thoughts....except for maybe here. I hope I can be an encouragement to that lady too.
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Cheri,
ReplyDeleteYou said, "I will need to make sure I don't voice those thoughts...except for maybe here."
Cheri, I'm so glad you are willing to voice those feelings here. I hope you also have at least one safe person in your 'real' life who allows you to be honest about your struggles, too. Having to hide one's truth just brings added feelings of shame and isolation.
When we decide our thoughts and feelings are further proof of our inadequacy, we hide them, and then we feel fake for hiding them! We begin singing that "If they only knew what I was really like." song to ourselves. Once we let others know what we are 'really' like, the shame loses its power--we are free.
The fact is voicing our thoughts is a good thing--the problem is that some listeners are just not strong enough to hear them. I have a favorite quote about that: "We rush to put a bandaid on the wound, not realizing that it is our own pain we are soothing."
Your acquaintance is lucky to have you. I am certain you will give her the listening ear and support that she needs if the opportunity arrives.
You have been a wonderful support through all of my woe venting! Even through my nuttiest posts. :) I appreciate you very much..
Deb