Why Did I Begin This Journey?

A couple of days ago I came to a bend in the road.  I came to a place where I had to make a decision to either quit this battle (and retreat) or to continue on.  I stood there, unable to see around the corner and paralyzed by fear.  I could no longer see the end that I had envisioned the day I took my first step.  There was no road to the left or to the right...only ahead, around that blind turn.  

At the beginning, I could see straight ahead.  It's like the goal was right there....right up the road.  And I knew that all I had to do was walk....and keep walking...one foot after the other....and soon I'd be there.  I'd reach my goal in no time!  

I think back and ask myself how I was so sure?  Why was I not afraid?  Why the confidence?  Then I remembered.  My goal (my end of the road)...all that I had promised myself to do was to take 10 pounds off.  I wanted to give myself the gift of health.  That's all I thought about....getting that first 10 lbs off.  And I did.  And then I evaluated my strategy, tweeked what needed tweeking, gave myself a pep talk and took another step.  And it was easy!  Especially the first 20 lbs.  So easy!  The pounds just fell by the wayside as I walked away from them.

I've gone back and re-read some of my posts from time to time to remind myself how far I've come.  I'm very happy that I've recorded the journey here on "paper".  Today...I went back and read the very first post I made because I wanted to know what I was thinking when I started.  I wanted to know what the mind-set was at that time.  I thought I had started journaling on day one....but, it was several days into it when I started documenting the walk.  I didn't write the first words until after my first weigh-in.  Reading over those words....specifically these words:  "I felt so proud of myself that it really didn't matter that I was 322 lbs.  What mattered was that I was no longer at 328.8 lbs!"

Proud of myself?   Yes, I was PROUD of myself!  Had I reached my goal?  No.  But, I had taken my first step.  And I was seeing results.  And I was excited about the journey.  And I was confident in my ability to succeed.  Was I still fat?  Yes.  Was I a failure?  No!  Am I still over 300 lbs today?  Yes.  Will I always be?  No.  Does it matter that I am at 301.8 lb woman?  No.  What mattered then....and what matters now...is that I am no longer at 328.8 lbs!

I may not be able to see around the bend, but I can see behind me and I have no interest in turning around and forfeiting ANY of what I've achieved thus far.  I've made great strides in this battle!  I'm a conqueror and I'm equipped!  I've got 1.8 lbs to go to reach my next goal.  Surely, that is what lays in wait for me just around the bend.