This morning is my weekly weigh in day. I will tell you, honestly, I'm dreading it. I've been completely off plan for awhile. I can't get myself pumped up mentally enough to get back on track. I'm not binging....so, that's a good thing. But, I've been just eating "whatever" with no regards to calories and/or nutrition. For financial reasons, I have had to let my Weight Watchers online account close. That really did "inspire" me (for whatever reason). And, I think I feel some resentment for not being able to (at least) have that one thing in my life that is just FOR me (pretty immature thinking). The truth is....even while I still had it, my mental state was such that I was not following the program or caring much about it at all. It wasn't a priority in my life. I wasn't following the program or using the tools anyway. I have the books to do the program without paying for it. There is absolutely no REASON that I cannot succeed at this. The only thing standing between me and success is ME...and a defeatist attitude. So, at 8 a.m. I'm going to go out and weigh. I'm going to come back, document my weight and get on with this. I am worth this! I want to be healthy and beautiful and I want to reach the goals I set for myself.
I think of how quickly time goes by. You know....I began this whole thing on 9/11/09 with an original goal of losing 40 lbs by my 45th birthday (hence the title of my blog). I didn't make it....and I have yet to reach my 45 lb goal. So, January (my birth month) has come and gone. Winter is over. Spring has sprung! Winter was my excuse for not exercising. Before I know it, it'll be "too hot" and that will be my next excuse. The point is...time stops for no one. If I don't regain control of this TODAY, next September, it's likely I'll be back up to 328.8 lbs (or possibly heavier). If I do take control...my body has no choice but to submit to change. I opt for the latter. I am capable of changing the pattern my life has been on. I refuse to see another year come and go while I feel unhappy in my own skin and give in to my addictions.
I have come A LONG way in 6+ months. I've gained A LOT of ground and I have conquered some of my prior thoughts and made some changes that will only be permanent if I keep my thumb on 'em. The battle has not yet been won. I've got a long way to go. But...I'm determined to face the giants that have always had me turning tail and running in shame. FORGET THAT!!! There is success in EVERY step I take forward. For each step I take forward, I gain ground. I've had to stop and grind my feet in many, many times over the past few months, but I'm making it. My weight is going DOWN and I'm have a changed attitude and a changed respect for myself. I'm not ashamed that I've been "floundering", but I'm not giving myself an excuse to do that any longer. I have a goal to lose an avg of 1 1/2 lbs per week. Goals on paper are just goals on paper without backing it up with a plan. I said in a previous post that I was going to set some goals and make a plan. I didn't. So, I've likely set myself another week behind. But, it's ending today. I cannot just play roulette with my life. There is no way I will continue this journey without a plan. It will be hit-and-miss from here on out if I try that any longer. Even when there is a weight loss (when is was by "chance") there is no sense of victory! It's only a "whew" moment. I don't like that. I want to live strategically. I want to have a plan and a purpose and I want to have measurable results.I started this strong and the results were AMAZING! I have wasted too much time just "hoping" the weight falls off. The weight WILL drop when I work at it. There is no doubt. I don't have to dread weigh ins. Weigh ins are a day to rejoice! They are to be a day when the scales scream "You go girl!!!".
Like my friend Deb says.....ONWARD!!!!
Update: Just came back from weighing in and I have GAINED 6.4 lbs in one week! I'm so disappointed in myself for this set-back. I am (once again) over 300 lbs. :(
Update: Just came back from weighing in and I have GAINED 6.4 lbs in one week! I'm so disappointed in myself for this set-back. I am (once again) over 300 lbs. :(
It's ok Cheri! You have got to know where you are before you can start moving forward, so you need to recognize that you're taking responsibility for your actions last week. And you're moving on. So you gained 6.4 pounds, that sucks. But you can take them off again, just re-focus and start again. This battle is a series of gains and losses; it's how it works. You. Can. Do. This.
ReplyDeleteD
Hey, Cheri, Sorry about the 6.4 pounds. It came on quickly and will go quicly. The important thing is that you get back on track--at least after Easter.
ReplyDeleteI track my food on www.sparkpeople.com When you record your food--almost exactly like WW tools--it tallies your calories, protein, fat, carbs and a host of other nutritional elements. It also lists the range those numbers should fall into. The site has tons of good info, too.
I've had a couple rough days this week for several reasons, but fully intend to hit this hard starting Sunday and storm thru the rest of spring! (Sunday because our Easter dinner will be Saturday and I'm fasting Sunday in order to have a colonoscopy done Monday--so little food on Monday, too.) I am determined to get this weight off!
We started together, girlfriend, and we're gonna get this thing done! This year! Yes, we are!!!
And, thanks for the kind, kind words on my April Fool's post. :D
Deb