Setting Sail.........

On 9/11/09, I reached a breaking point.  I guess it was about a month earlier when I had to step on the scales at the doctor and realized that I had gained ANOTHER 15 lbs. in just about 3-4 months.  I cried that day, but it didn't change a thing.  But, on 9/11, I woke up KNOWING that I had to make a change...that TODAY was the day.  So, I got online and looked up Weight Watchers.  I had already decided that I was not going to try to attend meetings and would like to try WW Online (since I sit at my butt on the computer 1/2 the day anyway).  The cost was $65 for four months and I was (pretty well) broke.  I remember sitting here, filling out all the info needed to sign up (including my bank account info) and then struggling with the decision whether or not to click the button that would suck the money from my bank account and FORCE me to AT LEAST give it a try.  It was a Friday morning....and I clicked the button then called the Health Department to ask if I could use their scales to come in and weigh.

That afternoon, I went in and weighed.  The scales reached 328.8 lbs that day but I didn't cry like I had that day some weeks before - even though I had actually put on another 6 lbs in that time.  I didn't cry because I was doing something about it and I was there to set my starting point.  I knew it was gonna be okay.

I set my first goal at losing 5% of my body weight...which would be 16.4 lbs.  I also set a goal of losing 40 lbs by my 45th birthday, which is Jan. 21st.  I could do that by losing an average of 2 lbs/wk (which seemed very attainable).

The following Friday, one week later, I went back to the Health Department (choosing not to have scales in my home for this journey) and was down 6.8 lbs!!!  From 328.8 to 322!!!  I felt so proud of myself that it really didn't matter that I was 322 lbs.  What mattered was that I was no longer at 328.8 lbs!

I've followed the plan for 9 days now and, honestly, it's been a struggle.  I've been able to do it, but I'm battling some emotions that want to lead me around by the nose.  I'm a "stress eater" and don't know what to do with myself when I'm feeling anxious, nervous, angry, bored, etc.  For two days my jaw has been noticeably tense and my back and neck are tight with tension.  I've never really noticed this before...because, normally, I am not that aware of my body signals.  Usually, at the first sign of stress, I grab something "foody" that takes the "edge" off.

I plan to journal here in hopes of maybe "verbalizing" some of the things that might otherwise trip me up.  I know I can get this weight off if I can manage the emotions and consequent behaviors that have led to this unhealthy weight gain.

Feeling empowered............

Cheri