I have been working round-the-clock for weeks now. I'm exhausted. I'm mentally and physically fatigued. I have not had any energy to spend on myself....caring for my home or family....or for caring for myself. I've been at work. When I'm not at work...I'm concerned with work. When I'm not concerned with work...I'm called to talk about work. And my short periods of sleep are embedded with dreams of work.
I swore to myself that I would take my place at the top of my priority list. That was 3 weeks ago...yet I'm still over burdened with things that distract me from that need.
I did assert myself and escape a situation that was taxing me at that time. That alleviated a lot of the stress. Now, I'm only talking about work....and the excessive hours I find myself working. My last day off was July 9th. That was nearly a month ago. And I've been working a lot of 12 and 16 hour shifts. I'm overburdened and desperately needing help. I thought I had someone in place to begin training to lighten the load, but after only one day on the job, she didn't show up again. It's very frustrating and tonight I had a bit of a melt-down. Unfortunately, my boss saw me will tears streaming down my face, which was so embarrassing. I'm sure he has mis-interpreted my condition and now I have a whole new worry of how I will explain what I was feeling at that moment.
Anyway...how this has affected me (diet wise)? I've had no time to plan for, shop for, or prepare meals. I've eaten whatever I could find in the vending machine at work....which is just crap snack-foods. Then...IF I eat anything else at all...it's been fast food from a drive-thru. Fortunately, most days I'm even too tired to do that so I just go home and stare at the walls and pray for sleep. I'm exhausted! I haven't had one bite of healthy food. I've not had a good nights' sleep. I've not had any time with family or friends. I feel like a zombie...just going through the motions...lifeless and drained. LOL. I was getting "into" exercising and was feeling pretty good (physically) when this schedule went catty-wompus! I don't "think" I've gained any weight...so that part's good. But, I feel like crap and I certainly haven't lost any weight. And I'm completely off my plan and nowhere nearer to my goal. I'm disappointed in myself for having, once again, put my desires aside and neglecting myself.
I told myself a couple of weeks ago that I would make myself a priority. With that commitment made, I took certain steps to eliminate certain distractions (which helped a lot!) - but then, all hell broke loose at work. Don't get me wrong. I absolutely LOVE my job! I work with good people and have been given respect and responsibility. It's a great opportunity for me and I have no desire to flee it. However, it's just taking so much out of me at this time. I'm short-handed and having to cover an entire extra shift in addition to my regular 48-50 hour week.
This is really just a rambling blog entry (filled with writing flaws)...but I need to get it out of me. I'm angry, frustrated, exhausted, disappointed, resentful, taxed, drained, distracted, and whiney!
I am having a very difficult time getting back on track. The struggle is constant and, at times, seemingly unbearable. However...I refuse to give up! I must get back on track and take care of myself...or I will live a life of illness, pain, and limited mobility. I refuse to allow that to become my future!
So I'm hanging in there...............
No comments:
Post a Comment