I definitely do not want to post this picture, but I have to to remain true to the reason I began this blog so long ago. Food is an "addiction" for me. And my addiction has visible consequences (as well as all those unseen). I promised myself that I would be open and honest in hopes of bringing to the surface the truth of my addiction and to share the REAL ups and downs of my weight loss journey. To only share the GOOD things and not show the bad would be a dis-service to the reader...but more importantly, a dis-service to myself. It is what it is. I've regained all my weight (and the proverbial "and then some"). This is reality folks! It happens to so many of us. I'm trying to find my way out. And I know, if you're reading this, then you are too.
So here it is....my new "before" pic at 333.4 lbs. This was taken two nights ago and 2 days after going to my first Weight Watchers meeting in several years. I never want to see myself like this again. Ever.
Well...You really do NOT look over 300 pounds. You don't. I would guess more like 250--and since I weighed over 250, I know what that looks lke. :} And look at that long hair! It looks happy. :)
ReplyDeleteBut I understand the sentiment. And I commend you for your bravery and your dedication to being real and honest. So many are not and to add nsult to injury, IMHO, they excuse their dishonesty by saying that they don't want to write a negative blog or bring people down.
So, congratulations on biting the bullet. Just think how good it will feel to post those "after" pictures alongside this before.
I'm struggling with the food addiction part of this whole game, too. I've had a difficult few days emotionally. Devastating, really. I held on until today.
I went to a retirement party for my former secretary. I did well with the beautiful buffet of homemade food. I didn't eat any gluten. Skipped the cake and cookies and went for the jello thing for dessert.
But I did eat a brocolli, cheese, rice casserole thing. soooo good. went for seconds. Healthy, gluten free. But I think the combination of my hideous few days, the retirement party reminding me why I was no longer working and the carbs from the rice...well, things went badly when I got home food wise.
Here's the good news.s They didn't go as badly as they could have. Not because I had restraint, but because everything I thought of to eat--you know, my old go to foods like M&Ms (Kenna left them here)--well, I thought of them, thouhgt I wanted to eat them, even went to the cupboard to get them...but my stomach reacted to the thought as tho they were foods that made me ill. :O I have never had that happen before. I was physically repulsed at the thought of a McD shake or M&Ms.
Truly that has NEVER happened before. Like I said, mentally I was all there with an impending binge, but physically, appetite wise, repulsed.
All that to say, Cheri, we may be food addicts and it may look like we're not making much headway--but victory is coming. Step by step, it's coming. Hold on.
Deb
Girl I don't know if you read any of my blog from October to December- but I was going to Addiction Recovery for my food addiction. It is REAL and it AFFECTS us. The good news is- there is help. You can conquer this- just as an alcoholic can conquer their addictions too if they want to. To me- it boiled down to humility- admitting I had a problem and being willing to do whatever it took to overcome. I am still working on it and realize it is a lifelong journey.
ReplyDeleteStill cheering for you girl!!
xoxox-
D