Me? Brave?

As a game, I asked my Facebook friends to describe me in just one word. I didn't get many replies, but one response that I did get was the word "brave". When I asked the friend "Why, "brave?", this was her explanation...."Because of the whole losing weight/getting in better shape thing... even when u stumble u dont seem to lose hope & u are sharing it online - i dont think i could do all that!"

So, I thought about that for a little bit. I do consider myself to be brave....but for reasons unrelated (or is anything actually "unrelated") to my weight issue. I am brave, yes. And I've always been pretty open and honest with people. If someone is interested and bold enough to ask a question about me, I feel like they deserve to have an honest answer. But, it wasn't bravery which allowed me to take off on this weight loss journey. Nor was it bravery which is allowing me to expose myself to the readers of this blog. It was more a move of desperation. I absolutely have to get to the heart of the matter to succeed at this! There is no way I can make the changes needed to pull this off without delving into the reasons behind my thinking....and the thinking behind my behavior. I didn't start this with any other motive other than to find the support of people who could appreciate my endeavor, stand with me in moments of weakness, and celebrate with me at points of success. But....what I discovered through the comments made here publicly and directly to me privately, is that people can relate to the struggles I'm facing in getting the weight off. Some have also expressed an understanding as to how my mindset formed in the first place. These same people have begun to share their stories with me and have invited me to share in their walk. What an opportunity for me to learn and grow (while I shrink...LOL)!

I've learned that there are people out there who really do understand me, that I don't need to be embarrassed or ashamed, and that I can openly confess my thoughts and admit to my faults and struggles. 

When I posted my first pic....I was completely embarrassed for people to see it. But, I know that it was just part of my healing. The first step. Admitting that I had completely lost control and documenting the affect that out-of-control behavior has had on my physical appearance. I had to have a starting point in order to measure my (tangible) success.
 

There are a lot of changes that must occur in my psyche in order for me to conquer this. I'm working on those changes daily. Some days I go gung-ho while, other days, I am much less enthusiastic. However, every day I'm noticing that my thinking is changing a bit, and although I'm currently having a very hard time with motivation, I'm (at least) standing my ground. I have not given up and am still assured that I will finish this journey and be at a weight that suits me (and I'll know what that is when I get there).
 

If I can encourage those who read my writings all the way, then that's just another benefit. Understanding that there are other men and women who have some of the same issues/feelings/emotions/battles as I do makes me feel like less of a disgrace. And EVERYONE who has a food addiction will agree with me.....feeling shameful only adds to the problem. That's why I've chosen to expose it all here. First...to open my own eyes to the issues that have brought me to this state of being. Second...to have documentation of my progress. Third...to gain much needed support and allies.
 

I thank you, my friend, for the word you chose to describe me. Any time we chose to be real with ourselves rather than run from painful truth...we will each be called brave.