With all the ups and downs of my weight loss journey, I often get discouraged and upset with myself for not making "real" progress. I mean....I started this FOREVER ago....and still, I've never been able to put on that red dress or post any new "progress" pics. I'm still well above 300 lbs. (although I swore I'd never go there again!). I struggle daily.
But, I've never given up! When I began this journey (way back in September 2009, I knew that this would be a long, heart-bearing, lifestyle-changing journey. I never expected (or even wanted) it to be quick because I knew "quick" would not change me from the inside out. Does it matter what the outside looks like if inside is marred by chaos and anxiety? I doubt it. I wanted to change my life.
Anyway....nearly two years later....I'm still over 300 lbs. Yes, I definitely should have been well on my way by now. But....I have no regrets. While on this journey I've been doing a whole lot of thinking. I'm learning how I got this way. I'm learning to be true to myself. I'm learning to love myself. I'm paying attention to my behaviors in hopes of modifying them....and aligning them up with WELL living. "Skinny" is not going to change a thing.
I keep catching myself making better choices. For instance....I'm not buying certain foods and bringing them in my house (even when there's a great sale) because I more consciously concider the ENTIRE COST of purchasing that item. What will it cost me personally??? I have to ask these questions of myself when I'm grocery shopping. I have nearly stopped hitting drive-thru restaurants. I don't need to eat that crap! I got online last night to order a pizza. I put my whole order together, grabbed my debit card....and was just about to hit the "order" button....when I stopped. It took me 5 whole minutes to talk myself out of ordering that pizza...but I did it! I closed the page....order incomplete!
These subtle changes are going to make a huge difference in my life! I don't have to be a superstar....dropping lbs and WOWing the world! This is about me! Me....creating a better life for myself and becoming a strong, self-controlled, mentally and physically healthy woman.
I'm proud of the changes I'm making. They're not visible (unless my smile is more exuberant). But, watch for the outward changes that will be evident of the inward work that's going on. I know these good choices, one-by-one will be releasing these extra pounds....one-by-one.
:D Sounds like progress to me. And you've found the secret to success IMHO--> never give up.
ReplyDeleteAnd thanks for stopping by my blog the other day--your comments mean a lot.
Deb
Sounds like you're on the path that leads to a whole lot more than just weight loss. I find it so important to notice WHY I am eating - yesterday when our neighbor was out playing with his grandkids, I came inside and started eating my "dessert" mindlessly and as I did that I had a moment of clarity. I wasn't eating because I was hungry but because seeing our neighbor play with his grandkids reminded me that my boys will never have that time with my Dad or my FIL. Once it dawned on me that I was eating with the intent to satisfy an emotional need it was like "wow, what the hell am I doing!?!" I don't think I have ever isolated a moment and had such clarity...emotional eater in the house. It made me so aware of what I was doing, why I was doing it and then left me thinking about how vigilant I will need to be in the future about WHY I indulge in food.
ReplyDeleteI think we all struggle but I love how triumphant you are in your blog - never give up!
Keep it up!
-Katie Beatty
You are doing marvelously! Hang in there babydoll! You are worth all the effort!
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